yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
