I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
