to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Damn victory sex feels great
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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