i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
