Sponge bath it is.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
