I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
