you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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