She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i will never coherently bang her
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
