I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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