The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
