So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No subtext here. People are naked.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
