and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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