It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
