I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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