You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
