Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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