I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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