I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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