You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The beer is more important than you right now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
