you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
