to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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