what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
