I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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