I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
