last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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