Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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