Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
