please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
