Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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