If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
