I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
