Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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