my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
