...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
