its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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