talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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