is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
