Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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