I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
