I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
