Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right