she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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