oh god the rape fog is back!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
