try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
