btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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