yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
