those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
