sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
