I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize