If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
