There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
