We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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