he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
