It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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