I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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