rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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