i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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