The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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