I hate your face
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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